Supporting Someone Through Postpartum Depression: A Gentle Guide
Sweet soul, if someone you love is struggling with postpartum depression, I want you to know that you’re witnessing incredible strength - not weakness. Becoming a mother is one of life’s biggest transitions, and your support during this vulnerable time can be life-changing. 💕
Understanding Postpartum Depression (PPD)
Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 new mothers in Australia, making it one of the most common complications of childbirth. Yet many families feel unprepared and alone when it happens.
PPD vs. “Baby Blues”
Baby Blues (50-75% of mothers experience this):
- Starts within a few days after birth
- Lasts about 2 weeks
- Includes mood swings, crying spells, anxiety
- Improves with time and support
Postpartum Depression:
- Can start during pregnancy or up to a year after birth
- Lasts weeks or months without treatment
- Significantly impacts daily functioning
- Requires professional support to improve
Signs Your Loved One May Have PPD
Emotional symptoms:
- Persistent sadness or feeling empty
- Severe mood swings or irritability
- Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or worthless
- Excessive anxiety or panic attacks
- Difficulty bonding with baby or feeling disconnected
- Thoughts of hurting herself or the baby
Physical symptoms:
- Extreme fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest
- Changes in appetite (eating too much or too little)
- Sleep problems (beyond normal new parent sleep loss)
- Physical aches and pains without clear cause
Behavioral changes:
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Loss of interest in activities she used to enjoy
- Difficulty making decisions or concentrating
- Feeling like she’s failing as a mother
- Unable to care for herself or the baby
What NOT to Say (Even with the Best Intentions)
❌ “You should be grateful - you have a beautiful baby”
Why it hurts: Adds guilt to an already overwhelming experience
❌ “This is the best time of your life!”
Why it hurts: Makes her feel broken for not experiencing joy
❌ “All new moms feel this way”
Why it hurts: Minimizes her very real struggle
❌ “You knew having a baby would be hard”
Why it hurts: Implies she should have been prepared for mental illness
❌ “Just rest when the baby rests”
Why it hurts: Oversimplifies the complexity of PPD
❌ “You’re just tired/hormonal”
Why it hurts: Dismisses her experience as temporary or normal
What TO Say Instead
✅ “You’re an incredible mother, even when it doesn’t feel like it”
Why it helps: Affirms her worth as a mother
✅ “This isn’t your fault, and you’re not alone”
Why it helps: Reduces shame and isolation
✅ “I can see you’re struggling, and I want to help”
Why it helps: Acknowledges her pain with compassion
✅ “You will feel better, even though it’s hard to believe right now”
Why it helps: Offers hope without dismissing current pain
✅ “Tell me what you need most right now”
Why it helps: Gives her agency in her own support
✅ “You don’t have to do this perfectly - you just need to do your best today”
Why it helps: Reduces pressure and perfectionism
Practical Ways to Support Her
Immediate Support
Take care of basic needs:
- Bring nutritious meals that can be eaten one-handed
- Offer to do grocery shopping or errands
- Help with laundry, dishes, or cleaning
- Ensure she’s eating regularly and staying hydrated
Baby care support:
- Hold the baby so she can shower, nap, or eat
- Help with nighttime feedings if bottle/pumping
- Take over some daily baby care tasks
- Offer to babysit so she can attend appointments
Emotional support:
- Listen without trying to “fix” everything
- Validate her feelings and experiences
- Be patient with mood swings and difficult days
- Remind her of her strengths and positive qualities
Creating a Healing Environment
Reduce pressure and expectations:
- Lower household standards temporarily
- Cancel or postpone non-essential commitments
- Limit visitors if they’re overwhelming
- Don’t expect her to “bounce back” quickly
Encourage professional help:
- Help research healthcare providers
- Offer to attend appointments with her
- Assist with childcare during therapy sessions
- Support medication decisions without judgment
Understanding the Partner’s Experience
If You’re the Partner
You might be feeling:
- Helpless and unsure how to help
- Exhausted from increased responsibilities
- Worried about her and the baby’s wellbeing
- Isolated from friends and support networks
- Resentful of the situation (it’s normal to feel this way)
- Confused about when she’ll “get better”
Your needs matter too:
- Seek your own support through friends, family, or counseling
- Take breaks when possible to recharge
- Communicate openly with healthcare providers
- Practice patience while advocating for appropriate care
If You’re a Family Member or Friend
Respect boundaries:
- Ask before visiting or offering help
- Follow her lead on what kind of support she needs
- Don’t take mood changes or rejection personally
- Continue offering support even if initially declined
Long-term commitment:
- Check in regularly, not just in the first few weeks
- Remember important dates (therapy appointments, medication changes)
- Celebrate small improvements and progress
- Be patient with the recovery timeline
Professional Help and Resources
When to Seek Immediate Help
Contact emergency services (000) if she:
- Threatens to hurt herself or the baby
- Has thoughts of suicide or infanticide
- Shows signs of psychosis (hallucinations, delusions)
- Is unable to care for herself or the baby
- Experiences severe panic attacks or anxiety
Australian Specific Resources
PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia):
- Helpline: 1300 726 306
- Website: panda.org.au
- Free phone and online counseling
- Support groups across Australia
- Information for partners and families
Beyond Blue:
- Phone: 1300 22 4636
- Website: beyondblue.org.au
- 24/7 support and information
- Online forums and support
- Pregnancy and postpartum specific resources
Lifeline Australia:
- Phone: 13 11 14
- Website: lifeline.org.au
- 24/7 crisis support
COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence):
- Website: cope.org.au
- Evidence-based information
- Screening tools and resources
- Professional referrals
Your Local Maternal & Child Health Nurse:
- Free service available to all Australian families
- Regular check-ups for mother and baby
- Can provide referrals and support
- Contact your local council for details
Finding the Right Professional Help
Types of support available:
- General Practitioner (GP): First point of contact, can prescribe medication and provide referrals
- Psychologist: Specialized therapy for perinatal mental health
- Psychiatrist: Mental health medical specialist, can prescribe psychiatric medications
- Counselor/Social Worker: Support and counseling services
- Support Groups: Connect with other mothers experiencing similar challenges
Questions to ask potential therapists:
- Do you specialize in perinatal mental health?
- What treatment approaches do you use for PPD?
- How do you involve partners/family in treatment?
- Are you familiar with the challenges of new motherhood?
- Do you have experience with breastfeeding mothers?
Supporting Recovery: What to Expect
The Recovery Process
Early treatment (First 6-8 weeks):
- Starting therapy and/or medication
- Gradual improvement in mood and energy
- Good days mixed with difficult days
- Learning new coping strategies
Middle recovery (2-6 months):
- More consistent improvements
- Better sleep patterns (as much as possible with a baby)
- Increased interest in activities and relationships
- Growing confidence in mothering abilities
Advanced recovery (6+ months):
- Return to baseline mood and functioning
- Strong coping skills for future stressors
- Healthy bond with baby developing
- Planning for future pregnancies if desired
Treatment Options
Therapy approaches:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Changes negative thought patterns
- Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): Focuses on relationships and life transitions
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Develops psychological flexibility
- Group therapy: Connects with other mothers
Medication considerations:
- Many antidepressants are safe during breastfeeding
- Benefits often outweigh small risks
- Close monitoring by healthcare provider essential
- Don’t stop medications suddenly
Alternative and complementary approaches:
- Exercise (when appropriate and cleared by doctor)
- Meditation and mindfulness practices
- Massage therapy
- Acupuncture
- Omega-3 supplements (with medical supervision)
Special Considerations
Breastfeeding and Treatment
Many mothers worry about the impact of treatment on breastfeeding:
- Many antidepressants are compatible with breastfeeding
- The risks of untreated PPD often outweigh medication risks
- Infant exposure to medications is typically minimal
- Breastfeeding may actually help with bonding and mood regulation
- Support her choice whether to continue or stop breastfeeding
Returning to Work
The transition back to work can be particularly challenging:
- Discuss flexible work arrangements if possible
- Help coordinate childcare arrangements
- Support her if she needs to modify return-to-work plans
- Remember that working can sometimes help with recovery
Future Pregnancies
Having PPD increases risk for subsequent pregnancies:
- Early intervention and monitoring are key
- Some women benefit from starting treatment before conception
- Support her in making informed decisions about family planning
- Ensure professional support is in place for future pregnancies
Self-Care for Supporters
Recognizing Your Limits
Supporting someone with PPD is emotionally and physically demanding:
Signs you need support:
- Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried
- Neglecting your own health and wellbeing
- Experiencing relationship strain
- Feeling resentful or burned out
- Having your own mental health symptoms
Building your support network:
- Connect with other partners/family members in similar situations
- Consider counseling for yourself
- Maintain your own friendships and activities
- Ask for help from extended family and friends
Healthy Boundaries
Remember what you can and cannot control:
You CAN:
- Provide practical and emotional support
- Encourage professional treatment
- Create a safe and supportive environment
- Take care of your own needs
You CANNOT:
- Cure her depression
- Force her to get better faster
- Be her only source of support
- Take responsibility for her recovery
Hope and Healing Stories
“When my wife had PPD after our second baby, I felt completely helpless. But with the right support - therapy, medication, and our families stepping in - she gradually became herself again. It took about 8 months, but she’s now thriving as a mother and we’re closer than ever. The experience taught us both so much about resilience and asking for help.” - James, father from Sydney
“Watching my daughter struggle with postpartum depression was heartbreaking. I moved in for 6 weeks to help with practical things while she focused on healing. Connecting with PANDA’s support group for families was incredibly helpful. She’s now an advocate for perinatal mental health awareness. Recovery is absolutely possible.” - Margaret, grandmother from Perth
Creating a Village of Support
Remember that traditional cultures always recognized that raising children requires community support. In today’s isolated society, we need to intentionally create that village.
Building your support network:
- Reach out to friends, family, neighbors
- Connect with other parents in similar situations
- Join parent groups or online communities
- Consider hiring help if financially possible
- Accept offers of assistance gracefully
For the long term:
- Continue checking in beyond the first few months
- Remember important milestones and difficulties
- Celebrate recovery and growth
- Share your experience to help other families
Moving Forward with Love and Hope
Beautiful soul, supporting someone through postpartum depression is one of the most loving gifts you can offer. Your patience, understanding, and practical support create the foundation for healing.
Remember these truths:
- PPD is a real medical condition, not a character flaw
- Recovery is possible with proper support and treatment
- Your support makes an enormous difference
- It’s okay to feel overwhelmed - seek your own support
- Small acts of kindness have big impacts
- Healing takes time, but it does happen
Daily Affirmations for Supporters
- “My love and support are making a real difference”
- “I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have”
- “It’s okay to ask for help - we don’t have to do this alone”
- “Recovery is possible, even when progress feels slow”
- “Taking care of myself allows me to better support my loved one”
Crisis Resources - Save These Numbers
Emergency (Life-threatening situations): 000
PANDA National Helpline: 1300 726 306
Monday to Saturday, 10am-5pm AEST
Lifeline: 13 11 14
24/7 crisis support
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
24/7 support and information
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
24/7 telephone and online counseling
You are walking alongside someone you love through one of life’s most challenging transitions. Your presence, patience, and practical support are gifts beyond measure. Postpartum depression is temporary - recovery is real, and brighter days are ahead.
Trust in the healing process, celebrate small victories, and remember that your love is a powerful force for recovery. You’ve got this, and we’re here to support you both. 💕
With all our love and encouragement,
Your OzSparkHub family 🌟